The standard, “You have reached the voice mailbox of nine.. one.. eight.. three..” is extremely boring! I am not sure if many people just do not wish to have their voice on their greeting or are just too busy in their life to record a customized one. Regardless, the standard, “Hey this is Justin, leave a message.” is heard so often it drives me crazy. In an attempt to make greetings a little more entertaining, figured I would list some new ideas.
Funny Greetings
“Hey! Justin’s voice mail is broken, but this is his refrigerator; speak slowly and I’ll stick a note to myself with one of these nifty magnets!”
“In case you have forgotten, this is a machine — my owner does not want siding, the newspaper, or the carpets cleaned. He donates to charity through it’s office and do not want their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave a message and we’ll see if he calls you back.”
“My sixth sense allows me to know who you are, what you want, and how to reach you; so at the tone — just hang up.”
“I do not want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is a voice mail? Maybe it’s a dream, or an illusion; maybe you don’t really exist! One way to find out is to leave a message, if it’s reality, I will call you back.”
“Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I don’t know, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. ::click::”
“These words are lovely dark and deep But I’ve got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep So leave a message at the beep.”
“You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.”
“Hello… Do you ever get the ones where someone says ‘Hello!’, and there’s a long pause, so you think you’re talking to an actual person. Then you begin speaking, and after you say about two words you hear, ‘We can’t come to the phone right now.’ I really hate that!”
“Hi, this is Justin’s answering machine. He’s not here, but I’m open to suggestions.”
“We’re sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.”
“Hi there. This is Justin speaking. I’m home right now, and in a moment, I’ll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I’ll be thinking about it…”
“Hi you’ve reached the rejection hotline and that means you’ve been rejected by the person you’re trying to call. We don’t want you, but maybe if you leave a message we might think about returning your call”
“How do you leave an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I’ll get back to you…”
“Sorry I didn’t answer your call, honestly when I saw your number I accidentally pushed the ignore button.”
“If your message has not pertinent content as to why you’re calling; hang up now.”
Some creative thoughts
“Hello. I’m available right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.”
“The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.”
“Hi, this is Justin. If you’re part of the problem, hang up now. If you’re part of the solution, leave a message.”
“Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.”
“Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.”
“Hello, you have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.”
“Hi, this is Justin. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.”
The End
Think you have some interesting ideas for a voice mail greeting? Let us know, and if you have some recorded we want those too!
August 16th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Hello? Who is this? Ohhh hey, whats up? Hahaha, just kidding, youve reached my voicemail. Leave a message and ill call you back
October 7th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
THIS IS XXXX. I’M EITHER UNABLE OR UNWILLING TO TAKE YOUR CALL AT THIS TIME. IF YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE I NEVER CALL BACK, DON’T BOTHER WITH A MESSAGE. EVERYONE ELSE, WAIT FOR THE BEEP.
a bit cynical and rude i know, but that was just the mood i was in – for 6 months!!!!!!!!
October 14th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Nice one Loranne. I like it.
November 2nd, 2008 at 9:21 pm
here’s mine…
Hey we’re not here…we have a life…get over it. BEEP
December 31st, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Hi this is _______ unfortunately i dont have the network so while everyone else gets alerts that the woods im in rite now are infested with cannibals i get to sit here and get malled by a tiger. thanks for trying anyway and dont bother to leave a message, im pretty sure i cant call you back from heaven.
January 12th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
You have reached the one and only, unfortunately i was unable to acknowledge your request. But dont let that ruffle your feathers. Be brief and precise and ill be sure to cater to your request. Good day
January 20th, 2009 at 11:27 am
If you can guess the color of my underwear correctly ill call you back!
February 5th, 2009 at 9:02 am
For the Holidays:
Twas right before Christmas a the xxx house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The voicemail was hung with a festive air,
in hopes that a message would soon be there.
When all of a sudden I heard suggest a clatter!
It was just someone hanging up! I exclaimed, “What’s the matter?”
If you leave a message when you call today,
I’ll be sure to get back to you right away!
February 7th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Hello. This is Death. I’m not in right now. So leave a message,and I’ll be right with you…
February 13th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Hi I’m not available right now. But thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. So just leave a message after the beep and if I don’t return your call, you may be one of the changes. Thanks and have a good day.”
February 19th, 2009 at 10:15 am
hi uve reached _ well…actually uve reached my voice mail, any ways leave a msg, and if i care about u ill call ya ack, toodles!
February 24th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Sir, I have news.
What kind of news?
Well, to be perfectly frank, it’s bad.
I knew it! I knew it was bad news! What is up with that? I had a good night’s sleep, a good morning breakfast and now I can’t take any more bad news! ….I’ve got it! Maybe if you tell me the bad news in a good way, maybe it won’t sound so bad.
The bad news in a good way? Okay, I think I can do that….. Ha, ha, ha, we’re not here right now, ha, ha, ha. So you have to leave a message!
It’s kind of long and takes two people, but it was worth listening to people trying to leave a serious message after that!
March 11th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
“Sorry I didn’t answer your call, honestly when I saw your number I accidentally pushed the ignore button.”
ha, this is__________’s voicemail leave a message
March 19th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
i love all your messages hheeehe sooo funny
March 24th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
*HEAVY BREATHING* leave a message (said in creepy voice)
March 28th, 2009 at 10:30 am
As a message, why not record Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” and Rick-Roll all the people you love (to irritate)?
April 30th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Pat: You better hurry up, we got to be at church in half an hour.
Bj: Pat, I don’t understand it, I can program a computer, but I can’t get this stupid VCR to work right. Why do they have to make these things so complicated?
Pat: What are you trying to do, Bj?
Bj: I’m trying to record this movie so we can can watch it later.
Pat: You are not going to watch it on that thing!
Bj: Why you say that?
Pat: That is not a VCR, that’s an answering machine.
Bj: Oh well, leave us a message.
May 1st, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Hello, thank you for calling Ben’s voice mail. This call maybe monitored or recorded for quality assurance purposes.
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:58 pm
HI THIS IS—! IF YOU ARE ONE OF MY CHILDREN AND YOU ARE IN JAIL, PRESS 1. IF YOU ARE MY CHILD AND YOU HAVE HAD A WRECK PRESS 2. IF YOU ARE MY BOSS WANTING ME TO COME IN, PRESS 3. IF YOU ARE MY EX- HUSBAND PRESS 4. IF YOUR CALLING WITH GOOD NEWS LEAVE A MESSAGE.
May 5th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
You might want to read Robert Frost’s Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening and redo one of those messages. (For starters, it’s “woods,” not “words.”)
From a client of mine: “After the message, leave a beep.”
May 11th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Hey, You know what i’ve realised???… that evry voice mail is very long and it goes on and on and on… but you know what???… i realy think that it shouldent be nothing like it because u know what???… sometimes it is something very important but u just dont have the time to be waiting there so u think why not just make it easyer and hurry up 2 leave a message but u know what???…it normaly sais hey my name is Blank and i am just not able 2 come 2 the phone so just leave me a voicemail…But u know what???… i think i will do mines a little different… so here it goes… hey just leave me a message BYE!!!
May 27th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Hello. you have reached XXXXXX, I’m unable to answer your call, because I am in the bathroom with my wife. She likes it up and down, and I like it left to right. please leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as we are finished brushing our teeth. Thanks, and have a great day
May 30th, 2009 at 1:49 am
“This is you-know-who. Leave a you-know-what after you-know-when.”
“Hi. *sigh*
“This is ______.
“I’m all out of Zoloft, and Obama isn’t buying any for my tax bracket. So if you leave a happy message, that’d be nice.”
May 30th, 2009 at 1:51 am
Hmmm….The thing took out the comments I made in brackets. That second message is for ONE voice (but the punctuation is correct). Make sure you do it slow and depressed, or nobody will believe that you’re out of Zoloft.
May 30th, 2009 at 1:58 am
You can also record the chorus of “Vienna” by The Fray:
♫♪ There’s really no way to reach me
There’s really no way to reach me
There’s really no way to reach me
‘Cause I’m already gone ♪♫
June 25th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Here is mine…….
Hey you have reached santa’s workshop. Sorry he is traveling the world right now, and the elves are outside barbecuing Dixon, so if you leave your name and message santa will get back to you soon, thanks….
June 28th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Hello…….no this is not one of those really annoying voicemails that trick you into thinking i anwsered…and its also not a really looong message beause those are reallllyyyy annoying….its also not fruitloops cuz those are NOT very fruity….there are alot of things that this is not….but this is definitly a voice mail…bye!
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
I love it! I used the one about the imaginary voice mail and used it on my phone! It rocks! Here is an idea:
“Here’s a knock knock joke!
You start…….”
‘click’
July 3rd, 2009 at 2:20 am
Hey You!
You’ve Reached You Know Who!
If You Leave A You Know What!
I’ll Call You Back You Know When!
July 5th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Hey!
What you doin?
Aw
I got to tell you something?
Youre talking to my voicemail?*BEEP*
July 12th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Hey you’ve reached me, please text me and I text you back as soon as possible.
July 15th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
You know what I really hate, people who leave really long messages on their voicemail service. Doesn’t anyone realise that people spend money trying to make calls and that a penny saved is a pound richer? I hate people who love the sound of their own voices and make you forget what you had called about and the reason you felt it necessary to leave a message. By the time they are done talking you’ve forgotten what you’ve called about and most times what they are saying doesn’t even make sense. But that won’t happen with you and me. I keep my messages simple and you can determine for yourself how accommodating and unselfish I am and sense the value I hold for my fellow man and woman, boy and girl. It is exactly because of who I am and the value I place on calls placed to my phone, why I’ve decided to keep my message sweet, short and simple and invite all to leave a message at the sound of the beep.
July 18th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
The reason your friend is not answering this call is because she has set it to the vibrate mode and is sitting on it. The longer you let the phone ring, the more pleasure she gets from your phone call. So please phone again. Leave a message at the beep so she knows whom to thank.
July 21st, 2009 at 5:07 pm
ok the hole time ur saying this ur pretending to cry…..
“what do u want from me? i mean seriously, wh-why are u calling me? i mean am i really that important? i just- i just feel so special. i just want to no why ur calling me. i mean dont(gradually go into a laugh at this point of the sentence)you just hate voice mails?(act cheerful and act the way u want when u normally would) alright well leave ur name a number and hopefully ill call u back. bye!”
i say this works grate for girls. i have it on my voice mail and i made it up. ya u can tell i was board lol. but it gets them the first time they call i have friends thinking something really wrong with me lol. but after the 2nd or 3rd time it just makes them mad they will just hang up after the 3rd or 4th ring or in the middle of the song so they dont have to listen to it lol. yea it gets anoying depending on how u say it lol. have fun!!!!!!
August 20th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
“umm how do u work this thing..ooh hi this is daysy ..sooo i never done one of these but i think after i finish saying daysy is not here than the beep should sound and the other person , i mean u leave a message..ok well im hanging up now so leave ur message?” (question like )
August 21st, 2009 at 11:20 am
Hi, this is xxxxx. I am currently waiting for my GPS system to tell me where I am. But apparently I am not in the vicinity of my phone. So you should leave me a message so I can call you back…and if you happen to know where I am, leave that information too please
September 26th, 2009 at 1:17 am
i think that all of those are great but i have one…
hey whats up ohh mii goodness i have been calling you like all day..NO LIE..and finally you call meh bakk but now that i am on the fone with you i have no idea what to say.are you still there..?? well you might be but i am not and i neva was so just leave a message and i will call you back Dueces.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
This is a great voice mail that I used when I was a mother of 3 young kids.
“I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m either changing a diaper, comforting a crying baby, cleaning up a mess or feeding a hungry child. Have a good day.”
October 6th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
This is my very favorite one that a friend had on their voice mail.
He recorded the operator “You’ve reached a number that has been disconnected. If you feel you’ve reached this recording in error, please hang up and try again.”
It’s hilarious how I fell for it….twice.
January 27th, 2010 at 1:09 pm
Well, here we are again. Go ahead, tell me what’s wrong, I’m sure I can find someone to handle the problem. Oh, I forgot, no one’s here.
March 7th, 2010 at 11:13 pm
The song ‘Telephone’ by Lady GaGa and Beyonce is an awesome one! Just sing the beginning of the song. For example, mine goes:
Hello, Hello, this is ____ I can’t hear a thing. I have got no service in the club, you say say? Wha-wha-what did you say huh? You’re breaking up on me. Sorry I cannot hear you I’m kinda busy. K-Kinda busy. K-Kinda busy. So leave me a message and I’ll call ya back, eh?
lol, I’m lovin’ voicemail right now:P
March 18th, 2010 at 11:38 am
HELLO? HEY WTS GUDDIE?…..YOOO OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! WAIT..H.O(3 SECONDS PAUSE) OMG!!!(SAY LOUD) O WAIT.IM NOT HERE…LEAVE A MESSAGE =]
April 13th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
“Hang up. Call someone else.”
OR
“If you know me, you know I hate the phone. Send an email. Everyone else will be deleted telemarketers, politicians and mortgage lenders.”
May 5th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Hi this – - – - the former pornstar!! You are my 100th caller!! And you just won a prize!!! You get a brand new shiny 4 pack of AA Duracell batteries, cause they are never included!! Leave a message!!